incoherent thoughts (1)

Very often I find myself thinking of silly things. Like, do you still wear our promise ring? Will you keep it on forever? Or will you take it off when you forget about me. Will you forget about me? It kills me to think that one day I’ll only be a memory. But I don’t want you to hurt. So if forgetting me will hurt less then it’s what I’d want for you. I often want to complain about very trivial things, but then I feel a pit in my stomach, because you’re gone and I can’t tell you about it. Because I’d be annoyed by something and you’d tell me it’s okay and then it would be. No one understands the situation, I don’t want to tell people about what you’re going through, so I have no one to talk to about you either. I don’t think anyone gets that I didn’t just lose my girlfriend, I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my wife. I wonder if you are sad, if you’re bedridden like I was. Or if you’re even allowed to do that. I wonder, are you taking care of yourself? I can’t be mad if you’re not, I’d be a hypocrite. I can’t ask you to be happy, but please be nice to my best friend. She’s an angel. My ring is starting to tarnish a little, but I’ll still wear it even when it’s no longer gold. If you’re reading this, can I ask you to keep it on? Unless it hurts too much. Then it’s okay. I won’t be able to tell anyways. I still think about you every day silv. I love you.