graceland

i think it’s better for u to not be reading these which is why I didn’t tell u the link or anything. maybe in the future u can remember me by these and think of me fondly. or maybe you’ll find that i already sent u this blog. i had a nice time playing with you and for a second everything felt okay again. i miss you here’s a song I really really love https://open.spotify.com/track/3yukgMnqGxj1FGak12DHVu?si=jAznZhXPSJe0CHHRo359_Q Might’ve been song of the day already tbh. But im not writing these it’s just what feels right although im trying not to have duplicates. Bye love you

https://open.spotify.com/track/6f2nWEm8aqMxKZtlxsyxWD?si=n8YZgsRSTECB2HFGrgevTA I don’t really like this guy but. I like this song and I miss you and whatever but. I have a surprise for you I just have to find a way to get it to you (not physical dw)

im not going to do it because i dont want to make you sad. i am not gonna overeat and im going to control myself, please dont worry about me. i dont want to put more pressure on you than everything you’re going through. i love you very much darling stay safe. iwill have the tea though and i hope you have the coffee if you’re reading this. (ps i only don’t drink the coffee with milk because it’s easier for me to make the coffee with a machine and put cream on it than warm milk up but it was very tasty that way maybe you would enjoy it) thanks for coming into my life and being the sweetest person ever and im sorry for not making you aware of it more often

https://open.spotify.com/track/2KcQh6QnfN40xDTatsybsG?si=s7chXxfSTPK2V3vdD7ZSmQ&context=spotify%3Asearch%3Awaiting%2Balice today i ate twice as normal and honestly im going to eat more not even bc im hungry but because im overeating because i guess maybe its a coping thing. but it’ll be fine since ive been eating less. errrr i dont know why im putting this in it’s not to make you feel bad but you’re still the closest ive ever been to someone and i have to tell u that I feel terrible about the fact that i know im not hungry im just looking for gratification & its something im aware of and can stop but im still going to do it. I miss you so much you were my everything I miss you I’m trying my best but It’s so hard it’s just so hard. im going to have a green tea too okay so well since ur in russia ik you can’t have any but ill have one for u. maybe u can make a coffee and think of me? i like to put cream in mine but warm milk works too and thats the way my grandma used to make it....

https://open.spotify.com/track/2iI0BF5V22JEA172YuBoaa?si=FVHGRJ-bROGGDnIIJma7LQ&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A6rPaZlzhLAO2z3NwGtIL1b I can’t take it it’s all way too much I wish I could be your boyfriend baby I wish everything I wish everything I loved didn’t break at the touch

https://open.spotify.com/track/02CrqOYzrJR8fYOffhvRZZ?si=XKhiXUxAT_COLHPcIJOSZQ I miss you 😁 I am at the lowest part of my life I miss you. Idk. But you’re never coming back. This time I feel like it’s the end and meh there’s no point in writing this. Have a nice day silv

u get two today https://open.spotify.com/track/4a8oZRJQBkegElBygOzVcK?si=KI-Tjo0lQ7ev19uqDyU48Q&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A14MGPmfZIbgMhS5nTPQjZA I WANT Y ALL THR TIME

https://open.spotify.com/track/5YLLelLLfwf8ji06bBl0uc?si=3uQTM158QruqFiFY0Im9Lg&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A14MGPmfZIbgMhS5nTPQjZA nothing rly matters does it To hear you call my name id do it all again

https://open.spotify.com/track/6cJLfIqwh0tCKRjYM3WpZ5?si=hW7ZJyESS36ewdofyncdjg&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1E8BIcVEkFjXfy

https://open.spotify.com/track/6ojor4w0aY3Nl101vyidbH?si=9hl-v1WkT9KrNRNl0X6mgQ&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1E8BIcVEkFjXfy ive been thinking a lot tonight about myself and also about us, and regardless of where i landed in terms of myself, i just think that in this world thats cruel to you i don’t want to be someone who leaves you alone. and i think of you every day so i want to continue to post a song for you. i hope you can find enjoyment in these songs or relate to them or think of me (fondly) sowwy that they’ll be mostly sad songs or love songs https://open.spotify.com/track/17cwqWxSyZK4bo7Hg7z9ko?si=UNuEs-n7TcW3vwUfKupxgA&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1E8BIcVEkFjXfy

Me not think u read these and I’m not feeling mentally stable like whatsoever. It’s not your fault but this isn’t really helping me as it did when I started, im sure ill write here from time to time but for now I dont feel like doing anything at all. x_x ill be fine im 2 scared to do anything tragic,, hope ur taking care of urself my dear bye for now

i like glaive now lmao actually probs one of my favorite artists lately,, it’s funny idk I don’t feel like the same person I was when you were around anyways https://open.spotify.com/track/5L1eW2bt7pDbjhNLKWKom2?si=C6N2VVp_Q7GsFDJvTYMaDw&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A14MGPmfZIbgMhS5nTPQjZA

errrr well i missed a day i guess i was still in shock that u talked to me but also I realized that u don’t read these bc u didn’t have internet and other reasons anyways https://open.spotify.com/track/0aPZbnkMoWJaJ5CNVLCj8S?si=P7-hMorLScWt4qFxnqf-SA

https://open.spotify.com/track/0bJ7Fs6uqdILGFy8O7Stz7?si=CGSRjo-cTaGEciN4TjzI9w&context=spotify%3Asearch%3Afall%2Bfor%2Btoo

just about 4am and im here thinking of you before I pass out and lmao idk it was just supposed to be us yk, idk where things went so wrong. i still get reminded of you in everything and i miss you and I love you still. i really hate being alone but being with my friends isn’t really healing the hole that’s shaped like you. i think im starting to give up on the hope that you’ll be back soon lol maybe even ever (at least to talk to me). and i think the hope was better to have because im just in the worst mental state ever and some other things but idk. idk what’s really okay to say or not and what’s manipulative or not. well I don’t blame you for anything anyways. gn silvie hope ur doing better than i am. i really miss ur presence and ur voice and id do anything to hear it everyday of my life. byebye

https://open.spotify.com/track/2MoUuJhpSO4a0czxvsrSC6?si=YNJ5D-lSSxmvLeDg4Hpqpg cherish! :) lol miss u

https://x.com/octobersfilm/status/1859200630663049304?s=46&t=Ix2umTIv3gwriuJ5H_vIFw You can have a song later, for now you get this.

I was driving home and this song came on and it made me cry. I think you showed me this song but I’d lkke you to listen. woo u get two songs today happy occasion! https://open.spotify.com/track/6qsIkaOBHaQByY3jiNZSaA?si=ucXudadcROS3rclLiNeuUQ I miss you and I love you :)

https://open.spotify.com/track/23cR8DCzOouEc54rMifKkZ?si=MoNLMlNfQceT-KoR2oh4bw

https://open.spotify.com/track/0E0DRHf5PfMeor0ZCwB3oT?si=X-KJ6djDQeeCv5ksyFpZFg i know you won’t understand lol but u can translate it or just enjoy or even just skip past todays idk i miss you i hope i see u again

im genuinely so miserable without you, ive tried every type of distraction and it just doesn’t work. i typed a paragraph and realize how funny it sounds for me to complain with what you’re going through. it’s fine. i miss you and I love you. you were my best friend and my wife. i cry so much silv i cry so much nowadays. i hate my life without you. but that only means you gave it meaning. i looked forward to a future with you and ive never though that would be possible. I’m back in a terrible place but thats not your fault. i dont think i can grow to love myself. but who cares ill die one day and it wont matter at all. https://open.spotify.com/track/2kn0fLwt9QRorHuGdmk6ze?si=pym3Kf4TRXa8g7F2R1yJeA Sorry to keep saying it but i still love you.

https://open.spotify.com/track/0WQiDwKJclirSYG9v5tayI?si=4PKFo75AS9imZtVr9LWKfQ I love you. i genuinely hope you’re doing okay. i miss you. im always wondering what you’re up to and if you’re okay, but to be honest i cant picture anything. i had a really bad nightmare about you and your family, id say what happened in it but i dont feel like crying or speaking it into existence. im starting to lose hope my silver. it feels like you wont come back to me and it makes me want to die. im sorry for ruining your life but if it means anything i still love you and it wasn’t for nothing. i wish i could be with you

https://open.spotify.com/track/1cmlwljf7RpV5t0KGLWR9O?si=nYi7dqQlRXGkGseehM1cYw its fine take your time just come back I don’t care how long it takes

idk it was supposed to be us forever  i wanted a future with you, ive never wanted to live until you came into my life i have no reason to keep living really don’t get me wrong i wont do anything (at least right now) but there’s just no point for me to keep going on i can only hope that i can see you one day but i dont even know if you want that  you’re the love of my life and you’re gone yes maybe it’s crazy and obsessive but that’s just how i feel about you  i miss you my love  

https://open.spotify.com/track/6oPDWUwxTIsGejcHd9tLdc?si=KyL9tRwwSTidtfUAuPBSAg I finally understand her lol. Now i cry to her music pretty often. id type some stuff about my life or how im sad but there’s no point. i love you silv, if you’re listening then thank you, im sending a hug ur way because i know i need one rn lol. have a nice day/night 🩷

it was supposed to be you silv. i love you so much. i am just a shell of myself without you. i hate looking at myself lately, i hate speaking, i hate everything there is no joy in anything anymore. it’s been a fucking month and you’re still the only thing in my head. And idk I don’t know what to do. i know you can’t come back as much as i want you to, but god can’t you? i wonder if u read these and u just laugh at me, how pathetic can i get. can you come live with me? what do i need to do to get you back? but i know it’s selfish for me to want that too. id do anything to free you from that whole situation i just don’t have a way. id die if it meant you could be freed from that but it doesn’t work that way does it. id sell my soul for you to live a life free from those people, but idont know how to do that. im worthless im sorry you fell for someone so worthless I should have been able to save you im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry. ilove you im sorry https://open.sp...

when you first left i couldn’t get up for any of my morning classes for about a week. but i realized it was bad for me and you wouldn’t want that. so i started going and i was doing pretty good at not missing a single class. but i skipped yesterdays morning classes and i skipped today too. i just wake up feeling sick and empty. you taught me what real love is, im sorry i can’t give it back at the moment. i hope you’re being gentle to yourself. anyways here’s song of the day   https://open.spotify.com/track/4LK36kV9w3KBD2GYL26ZBq?si=P8qnm68pSfmBebJRQ2DoHQ that’s the tea i had yesterday, but no sugar lol. sometimes i put honey though. ilove you, you’re my silver always oh and just to throw it out there, not that i think it’s possible or that it’ll even be taken under consideration but if you can find your way to me in person then I’ll take care of you i promise. you can stay in my house as long as you need. i promise. lol im crying cuz it’s just not gonna happen is it. i love you and...

https://open.spotify.com/track/4fnCbaOsiwuOnP4kZ3BYDF?si=lqlUuXgRTK6TsQZY5ySiBw&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A4BZGWo6hEBxPAHDVuOfiVi it would be nice if you can stare at the moon tonight and think of me, though depending where you are and when you see this it might be too late. but if you can make a tea, look at the moon and think of me, ill be doing the same. bye for today

i miss you and i know you can’t come back or anything but I guess ill always have hope for it because like idk i just want the love of my life back??? why does it feel so awful to want you back. And it’s probably pathetic at this point because it doesn’t just look like im begging, i genuinely am begging. Everything reminds me of you in one way or another and it’s like of course it does bc you were my everything. We had so many plans i mean my whole future was to be with you and maybe it’s unhealthy but that’s all i needed in my life. i hate to make it about me I really do i know you’re suffering baby and im sorry to add onto it. it only hurts so much bc i love you. I don’t even know what to say anymore like what about our aquarium date or going to nyc or Switzerland or anywhere, what about laying in bed together while we read (or you read and i watch/play something), what about me bringing you a tea every evening. What about sharing pastries together? Why is it all gone, i miss you i m...

https://open.spotify.com/track/485XGXNp7cvrPSaxJJbJ99?si=VQfCAM_MTNeBpTCyoP7_xg im no good at writing things, lol im not much good at anything my love. but you always loved me despite that. i wish i could write you beautiful poems or letters but i don’t have it in me. these are the closest and best thing i can do. you didn’t say goodbye this time, it’s bc you’re coming back right? it’s true ill see you again, just maybe it’ll take some time. im always going to be right here.

https://x.com/houriyhoroscope/status/1855151084907442271?s=46&t=Ix2umTIv3gwriuJ5H_vIFw Can u reach out to me lol please? Lol sorry I know but idk sorry. Write me a letter or something tell me you’ll see me again it just can’t be soon. Anything. Please? Sorry idk what im doing anymore im lost without you bruh sorry i know im in no position to ask for anything at all, you’ve given me so much already. i just miss you. im not asking for u to do it anytime soon but even six months from now send me a letter? idk if ur even reading these 😭😭 it’s okay idk it’s fine take care of yourself plz okay?Okay bye goodnight love you

no one’s noticed ive gotten a haircut, but youd have noticed right? if i didn’t tell you but i got one secretly you’d know right? I know youd know. why’d you have to go and show me real unconditional love? I don’t know what to do without it, but you’re the only person who gave me that. i tried taking pictures to show you but idk I don’t like looking at myself anymore, and i don’t want you to have to look at me either. I miss you, if you can’t come back to me in this life can you meet me in the next one? i guess deep down i knew you couldn’t stay as much as i tried to force it but couldn’t bare to lose you. i don’t regret it, it might hurt a little more than if i stopped talking To you, but all that extra time with you was worth it. I love you. I love you. I love you.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6e2MPbwfQv2uHJF8K3paV6?si=H9IgG9E5Ro-ydpLf5l2Mfw idk if ill ever get over you and i don’t even know if u think about me anymore don’t even know if u read these idk anything about you

https://open.spotify.com/track/0KdYYVq1c2kvy69RjczLeX?si=EvQKFp-yRIGekVkQtW7_Rw i would

i don’t have a song today tbh. im too sad to listen to anything right now, ill post one later. i love you silver i miss you. im scared you’ll forget about me. it’s not like i want u to suffer at the thought of me but idk i just. idk. not knowing if you’re healthy or not sucks too. why didn’t you say goodbye silv? i don’t understand anything. are you going to come back to me one day? it’s too late for me to forget you lol i cant just pretend u didn’t exist ur the love of my life. idk

https://open.spotify.com/track/12M5uqx0ZuwkpLp5rJim1a?si=PzOFg_KsSm6p6JmogS6lFg lol of course, how can it be anything else.

I see you everywhere my silver. Today was completely uncanny. I went to go get my haircut, same place that I went to get my wolf cut, not sure if you remember that. But they relocated, so I had to use my gps to get there. Anyways as I’m walking there you’d never guess what street is parallel to it. Cornelia st. I had no idea I was going anywhere near there. Remember I asked you to go there, when you were meant to come? What are the odds of that?  Anyways after my haircut, I was going to go get a coffee, a qahwah place. I didn’t know anything about qahwah until isra told me about it a few days back (we talk a little, mostly me crying about how I miss you or begging for an update on you, sorry). I remembered looking it up and seeing nothing near me, just some in nyc. Turns out there was one around the corner if I went back the same way I got there. But I ignored my gps because the scenery was pretty nice, so I went around the block (same result, but longer). And I see a shop.  F...

Hi, I didn’t forget today’s song. I woke up early to do some studying, then I ran late to class. So ive been a little busier than usual lol. This is today’s song. I might go get a haircut today, im not sure yet. If I do I’ll maybe put a picture tomorrow. When you left me I had the thought of shaving it all off, because when you left it felt like part of me died. But my hair means a lot to me, and it’s hair that you loved. Still, I do feel like im not the same person without you. So im going to let the hairstylist decide what to do with it. I’ll tell them not to cut too much. https://open.spotify.com/track/4h0EXpatqJImv4VRgvX6po?si=CMMd8rk1SjCWWd2jgR-Dtw ”And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe. And I’ll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are. Hope it’s nice where you are.” love you

it seems like trump won the election, so idk what that means for me. but it can’t really be good. i went to the doctor about a year ago to tell them that im transgender in hopes to get my medicine from them instead of online but, now it seems like a bad idea. it’s funny because I haven’t even been taking them, I’ve been too depressed. idk what will happen, maybe nothing. i genuinely wish i could be a woman, but i don’t think i can be accepted as such in this world. i know to you i was one, and you made me feel like one, and i was looking forward to being your girl. but you’re gone now and no one is going to see me the way i want to be seen, not anyone that will exist in my future anyhow. i told my mom a while back and she was disgusted and ever since then she asks me to cut my hair and my nails and that i shouldn't paint them or backhanded remarks like i neee to be a man. i think it’s time for me to give in, if I can’t give up on life then i have to make it easier on myself and giv...

Very often I find myself thinking of silly things. Like, do you still wear our promise ring? Will you keep it on forever? Or will you take it off when you forget about me. Will you forget about me? It kills me to think that one day I’ll only be a memory. But I don’t want you to hurt. So if forgetting me will hurt less then it’s what I’d want for you. I often want to complain about very trivial things, but then I feel a pit in my stomach, because you’re gone and I can’t tell you about it. Because I’d be annoyed by something and you’d tell me it’s okay and then it would be. No one understands the situation, I don’t want to tell people about what you’re going through, so I have no one to talk to about you either. I don’t think anyone gets that I didn’t just lose my girlfriend, I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my wife. I wonder if you are sad, if you’re bedridden like I was. Or if you’re even allowed to do that. I wonder, are you taking care of yourself? I can’t be mad if you’re...

my lovely dearworth, your name is written on my heart. https://open.spotify.com/track/1p690xGg9ikZ53L3PtdV8j?si=c1XzIUlkSpuTRoAijnZhgQ When you come back, you’ll find me here where I belong. I love you.

I'm sorry for being cruel and selfish. With the creation of this blog, I will post songs that remind me of you. Honestly, I like listening to the lyrics and sending them as a message to you. But some will be reminders of you or songs I just want you to listen to. Perhaps eventually, I will post other things, too. Regardless of whether you listen to them or click on the blog, I think I will feel better than letting things bottle up. I love you so much, please take care of yourself. Be as gentle and kind as you were to me to yourself. Drink the tea you love so much; I'm drinking it alongside you. My heart belongs to you, dearworth. -Peekgoose